iMust Confess That I Feel Like a Monster
by SupahFreakyHyperSpaz
Summary: Songfic to Mad by Ne-yo and Monster by Skillet. Freddie's fallen away for popularity. Can a fight with Sam pull him back in? Can they stand the hurt?


**No way. I still don't own iCarly. =[[ you people…**

*******

He lay awake. As he did every night lately.

He closed his eyes tightly trying to remember what it felt like to be happy. He seldom was anymore. Especially nights like these.

The darker it was, the clearer he saw her…Her taunting face. Her angry face. Her hurt face. The last one was the worst of all. It was like a voice mocking him. Another day with another fight. It just hurt. It hurt too much to think about…He couldn't help but wonder what _she _was thinking…

He rolled over and sighed…

"_Monster!"_

***

She lay awake. As she did every night lately.

She brushed the hair out of her face abruptly trying to remember what it felt like to be loved. She seldom felt that way anymore…Not even with Carly.

The darker it was, the clearer she saw him…His dorky face, his angry face, his tormenting face…His hurt face. The last one was the worst of all. It was like a voice mocking her. another day with another fight. It just hurt. It hurt too much to think about…She couldn't help but wonder what _he _was thinking…

She rolled over and sighed…

"_Poor and worthless!"_

***

This was the first time they had talked in over a month, but it was for good reason. They knew every time they spoke the other one was hurt. Things just weren't the same anymore.

This was just an example of why they never talk anymore. Talking just turned into screaming…And he couldn't take her shrill yells in his hear. And she couldn't take his bellowing roars of anger.

It wrenched them.

***

At the same time they felt the flashback. But it only hurt their heads worse…Because they didn't remember. They didn't remember what had started it. It was the things said afterward that had them hurting.

"_You don't even know who I am! No one does!" she shouted._

"_I don't want to know! Who would?!"_

"_Well, obviously! My life isn't rosy like yours…So you think it's not WORTH learning about!"_

"_You're poor! You're life can't be WORTH something! You couldn't afford it!"_

_The kids at school…Freddie's friends. His NEW friends. Since he got hotter. But he chooses to believe that his newly acquired looks just made them notice him, which made them realize his personality. Even Carly noticed him drift away. But she had full faith in him…Faith that he'd come back…Back to their friendship…_

_They laughed._

_That did it. She was hurt. But like she could give him the satisfaction…She chose to yell over his dreadful voice._

"_You're too selfish to understand anything about my life! All you care about is looks and money! And anyone who isn't beautiful isn't worth the time! And that's shallow and empty! You'll never learn to appreciate the small things! Or even to love! All you'll ever care about is looks…Looks and money!"_

"_That's not true! Liar! Looks like your mouth is big enough to make up for your dear mother's small wallet!"_

"_Don't say a word about her!"_

"_Why? All the money she has is from drug deals anyway!"_

"_Don't say that! She's better now…Clean! She…She got a job, and…And is trying harder…"_

_Her voice started getting increasingly smaller. She just couldn't believe that Freddie had said that. It was like a secret and silent agreement not to bring up her home life. But everything that used to be wasn't. and Sam didn't like it. And although Freddie wouldn't admit…He didn't either. He hated his new "Friends"_

_He wanted Sam and Carly back. That's why this whole thing started. But as always it finished poorly…_

"_To make more money? Oh two pennies a year now?"_

"_You…You're a real jerk. And I'd take being poor…lonely…ugly…and unpopular over being like you any day."_

_He looked at her painfully. He let his wall down enough for her to see he was just being that way for his little "Friends"_

_She seemed to understand. But she didn't care. She gave him a look to let him know that she knew who and why he was doing it. And that's why she thought he was pathetic. _

_He caught that from her look and looked at his shoes._

"_You're a monster. Inside and out!" she yelled before storming down the hallway, angry and humiliated tears falling down her cheeks._

_The words rang in his head like drums. "MONSTER!"_

"_Monster"_

"_Monster"_

"_Come on Freddie. Let Ham girl go. She's just not made to be with people like us," one of the popular girls stated(Monster…Monster…Monster…) , followed by a sea of "Yeah"s and "So true"s. (Monster…Monster…)_

_He said nothing. Just turned and went home._

***

He looked at the clock by his bed. 2:30. A.M.

As in two in the morning?!

He sighed. _Longest. Night. Ever._

He figured there was no use just lying there so he stood up and did something he hadn't done in a long time. Too long.

He walked across the hall and peeped in on the Shay's apartment, hoping with all his heart to find Carly there. Waiting for him. He knew that this would be wishful thinking, but what else did he have left? A bunch of "Fake friends" as Sam had bluntly put it many times before.

As he suspected, no Carly…

He looked closer and saw Sam…asleep on the couch. He frowned at her and he couldn't help but feel…he didn't know…relieved. He felt just like he used to. And it pulsed blood quickly through his veins.

His frown faded into a soft smile.

***

She looked at the microwave clock. 2:30. Ah! Only two in the morning?

She settled back onto the couch and closed her eyes soothingly…Even though she felt far from soothed.

She stayed still for a while until she heard a noise at the door. She tensed. Then she heard a familiar sigh. A Freddie sigh. She frowned in anger. Then she thought of the old Freddie. Her mind settled on one memory in particular, and she wasn't sure why…The space training place.

She chuckled as she remembered the face he made on the rocket simulator, then smiled as she remembered her own turn…

She jumped when she felt eyes on her. she decided to slowly open her eyes…Just one moment she waited for the light to adjust…"AAAH!"

***

He watched her frown in her sleep. Was she having a nightmare?

Maybe she was having something similar to his…

His started with his face. Only it wasn't his…It was exactly was Sam had compared it to…A monster. The monster was the ugliest thing he had ever seen. In fact, if he sold rights from it, he could have created the most horrifying horror movie in existence. The thing that scared him the most was that it looked just like him.

And in the dream it was destroying…Destroying Sam… Smashing her fragile skull beneath his monstrous claws…Feeling her go limp under his grasp…Listening to the sound of hundreds of urchins and monsters laugh their bellowing, roaring laughs.

He felt sick.

Then he noticed her chuckle…Definitely not a nightmare…And then a large grin…What?

He sneaked over quietly to her "Slumbering" body and stuck his face right next to hers…

He filled with panic. She blinked…Once. Twice. Wait for it…"AAAAH!"

_And that's my cue to run…_

Freddie sprang to his feet and was halfway out the door when a voice stopped him.

"Freddie?"

He just couldn't go.

"Sam." He responded.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asked.

"Nope…"

"Me neither…"

"But what about-"

"I've been awake…And I knew it was you. I figured you were too good to talk to me so I didn't bother responding…" She said semi truthfully.

"Oh," he sighed, "Wait Sam?"

"Yes?"

"Do you always have trouble sleeping?"

She felt obligated to tell him the truth…Just for once… "Yes," she breathed.

"Me too… Every night since…since…"

"That…" she replied.

"Yeah.." he sighed.

"Look Sam…" He started, sitting on the couch, "What I said earlier…I didn't mean it. And…And…I just really can't go to sleep mad at you…"

"Me too," she said.

This surprised him. Drastically.

"What?"

"You're a dork…And a momma's boy…But I've missed you hanging out with me and Carly. Plus Gibby is a terrible camera man…"

He laughed. "Yeah I've seen the show lately and well…"

"You've seen the show?"

He looked at her incredulously, "Like I would miss iCarly?! You're joking, right?"

"Well…You're different Fredward…All of us are…"

"No…We're not. We're really not. I've just been stupid. And I told my friends that they were all shallow monsters and could learn from you. And..."

"And?" She raised an eyebrow.

"And I'm sorry."

She smiled lightly.

He took that as an okay signal and put his arm around her shoulders, causing her to jump.

"I didn't scare Puckett, did I? Looks like you've softened up without me to make fun of…"

She punched him.

"Ow!" he looked at her angrily then smiled despite the throbbing pain in his arm, "Nevermind!"

"Good little dork boy."

"Good little…"

He didn't know what he was going to say even if he had finished that sentence…But his lips were closed around Sam's before he knew what he was doing.

He feared his life for a moment until he noticed her shock wear off and she started kissing him back.

It wasn't a long kiss…But it was everything. It signaled that everything was back to normal. Well…Almost normal.

"Now…Go to bed dork!"

"You too bully!"

He kissed her again before standing and waving goodbye. "I love you, Sam…" he mumbled quietly before shutting the door.

He stuck his ear to the crack just in time to hear Sam yawn before saying "Love you too, Freddie…"

He could tell she was asleep.

He went to his own room and fell back into his own bed. It had never felt this good before.

"_Hmm…I wonder what we're gonna tell Carly tomorrow…"_ was his last thought before his head hit the pillow, and he was lost in peaceful sleep.


End file.
